“I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn’t matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together.” – Julia Roberts.
Well, this might sound brilliant, but shall we get back to reality?
Those just happen in movies. And we, a bunch of hopeless romantics, keep imagining a knight in shining armor to turn up at our doorstep in the middle of the night? Even if the knight is married.
The need to feel validated, to be loved, has gotten to a point where we forget to draw boundaries and respect the ones drawn by others.
We are all broken souls, trapped in dead bodies, carrying the corpse of our love on our shoulders every day. Yeah, I wrote that.
Love is really stupid. And we are hopeless. That is a deadly combination, after all!
So, without any further delay, let us get to the depths of it and see what the article unfolds.
Are You In Love With A Married Man?
Well, I may have boasted about love being different and all in real life, but is it really that different? I mean, do we really have control over it?
We fall in love with some of the most unexpected people and become hopeless idiots.
You definitely may not have planned on falling in love with a married man, but who can control affection? Sometimes, even the wisest of us make mistakes. We slip and fall.
“Dating a married guy can take you over the moon, but it can be painful too. Surely you have tried to resist it, but your emotions got the best of you. We are not here to tell you to “end it” or make you feel worse about your choice.”
Why Do Women Tend To Choose Older Men In General?
Well, being a woman myself, it is the maturity. That will always be on top. We, women, tend to mature faster. Our needs, wishes, and issues change as we grow up. And this happens faster than men.
However, I am not saying that men are not mature. I have known some of the most mature and secure men in my whole life.
What I am saying is, women of my age usually prefer older men because we like the kind of maturity that they inherit. That is all. This is not a comparison. It is just a fact that I feel that the world should know.
Also, the older the man, the more the experience! It is like they know you, in and out. They can provide you with the exact help that you need emotionally and physically.
They do not run away from emotional commitments. Also, They are so secure with their own emotions that eventually, you start feeling secure around them.
Also, they make you comfortable physically. They don’t care about stretch marks or tummy fat. They appreciate your body and just know how to perfectly work their way out. It is beautiful.
Now, coming to a married man. Sounds scandalous, doesn’t it? Well, it is!
While some of us may have no control over the ones we fall in love with, some women get a kick from trying out the forbidden fruit. Eve did the same.
Well, I will not be sitting here educating you if falling in love with a married man is justified or not. As long as there are two consenting adults involved, only they get to decide what is best for them; however, I can discuss some of the consequences of falling in love with a married man and what red flags you must look out for!
10 Considerations If You Are In Love With A Married Man
While I am not going to judge you for being in love with a married man, I will definitely help you handle the situation like a pro so that you are not in shambles when the situation goes down south.
You Are Never His Priority
However tough it may be to gulp, you can never be the first priority of a married man. For him, his wife and children will always be prior, no matter what the situation is.
You will never be his first choice!
If you are having an affair with a married man, you better not depend on his support unconditionally.
Do Not Trust Him Unconditionally
They say love is blind, sure it is, but you are not.
While you may be in love with him, and he claims to be in love with you too, what is the guarantee? Can you really trust someone who can easily deceive the trust of someone else?
There is no place for you to put your trust totally in him, especially if he hid or lied to you about the fact that he is married. He may apologize or be remorseful about it but do not forget that you may not be the first one that he has lied to.
Also, observe how he talks about his wife. The way a man speaks about his wife says a lot more about his own character than his wife’s.
Keep Yourself Open To Options
While you may feed your fantasies with the thrill that comes from dating a married man, it is still a delusion after all.
Loving a married man can make you feel guilty, alone, and isolated.
You will not get them most of the time when you need them; you will not get them around you, so keep your options open. If they are not loyal to you, then what gives you a reason to prove your loyalty to them either?
This will also save you from the devastating heartbreak when the thing finally ends and allow you to meet new people you can have a future with.
Do Not Settle For Unsatisfying Answers
If you are in love with a married man, always keep an eye out for those ambiguous or unclear answers.
If he has promised you that he would leave his wife, demand to know when, and keep asking for proof. Words alone can never be enough.
The Relationship Will Change Once He Gets The Divorce
Dating a married man is way different than dating him once he is divorced.
The entire process will involve a lot of confusion, shame, and maybe even relief; all of it will be a lot to process in one go. This will have a drastic impact on your relationship. You will no longer feel the butterflies inside your stomach that you felt initially.
The Odds Of Leaving His Wife Is Pretty Less
If you are involved with a married man, you will very unconsciously increase the odds of you both being together. The ultimate truth is, however unhappy or unsatisfied he is in the marriage, he is still a part of it.
You may consider yourself to be the turning point. Still, if he hasn’t called it quits with his wife within the initial months of getting married, the chances of him actually ending the marriage gradually decrease over the months.
Also, there is a chance that he might end the relationship with you immediately after ending his marriage. Think of it this way, if either one of you was satisfying in all ways, he would not have needed both of you at the same time.
The Wife Is Not Always Responsible
While you may be dating the man that is married, the wife may have known him since he was single.
Be a little skeptical if he keeps on blaming his wife for every problem that has occurred in their marriage. Just keep in mind you get to know only as much as he lets you know,
Be True To Yourself
Falling in love with a married man was never the plan, but bad things happen. It’s okay. Cursing yourself is not a solution.
Just be true to yourself and ask some of the hard questions which will help you protect yourself in the near future.
- What is the best-case scenario? What are the odds?
- What is the worst thing that can happen? What are the chances?
- What future do you see for yourself? Is it compatible enough with his?
- What is your plan for the next year if things remain the same?
- Is he worthy enough to sacrifice your future?
- How long can you keep up with this?
Make Sure It Is Love, And Not Lust Or Infatuation
We often confuse lust or infatuation with love, and that just messes everything up. Understand the things that you actually want from him. Is it really love? Or are you just physically attracted to him?
Lust can also be disguised as love. Infatuation is often confused with love.
So before you dive into it, make sure of what your feelings actually are for that man. Feelings can be complicated and therefore do not make any rash decisions that might put you in a position that you don’t want to encounter.
Respect The Fact That He Is Married, And Has A Wife
Never forget that the man has a wife, and you are the other woman. No matter how hard it sounds, you are the intruder, and he allowed it.
The wife here is nowhere to be blamed. If at all, you are the one who is in a relationship with someone that is already in a relationship with someone else.
So if you both want it to work out somehow, make sure you have respect for the ones that are already involved.
Is It Really Okay To Love A Married Man?
Well, if you are in love with a married man who claims to love you back, there is always some degree of risk involved if the relationship involves sexual activities.
However, I will never suggest you get involved with a man that is married or is committed to another woman, but life gets the best of us sometimes. We lose control and make mistakes that we never anticipate.
To me, it is more like compromising your own happiness and sacrificing your future to an eternity of uncertainty. You would not know what your future holds.
Being in love with a man that is already married will make you go through guilt, remorse, pain, and whatnot. At the end of the day, he will at least have a home to go to, but you will be all alone, isolated, and sad.
Individuals Open Up About Dating Married Men!
Anonymous Man, Quora "When I was married many years ago, I was astounded, dumbfounded, and completely "blood-hounded" as to just how the presence of a wedding ring suddenly made me very attractive to women who otherwise would not have had given me a second thought; I had a favorite fast-food restaurant, and grocery store liked going-to on some evenings, and I had to stop going to them because of this. Just like in men, it seems some women sometimes like the thought of "having" something they know they cannot; therefore, they will throw caution to the wind and "see what happens." It wasn't until this started happening that I started seeing women and how truly, some of them are, and not as I had been raised to believe that they ought to be. I remember telling my wife several times of these encounters, and I'll be gobsmacked; she actually blamed that on …me! I remember apologizing for more times than I felt I ought to have for something that was not my fault, and all the while being stupid enough to believe in being open and honest to my wife about my day-to-day happenings, only to be "prosecuted' over it."
Anonymous. "No. I'm at the end of a multiple-year affair with a married man. I could tell you all the reasons I felt it was semi-justified, but they don't really matter. And if you decide to have an affair with a married man, you'll find your own reasons why you make the choice. However, I can tell you that it's not worth it. At one time, I thought it was. In the beginning, he was my closest friend. We were both in very difficult situations in life. I was alone, and he thought his marriage was over. We grew close. I'd had an abusive relationship before this, and the safety, security, and sense of love and care I felt from him were a balm to my badly hurt soul. Logic told me that the abuse was not my fault, but I still couldn't always shake the feeling that it had been, that if I had been more something and less something else, he wouldn't have hurt me. I felt that maybe I had been, as my ex had told me, lucky that he'd been with me at all, as damaged as I was. I knew going into this that this was a likely outcome and that I was trading away my rights for my emotion. I have no one to blame. He goes home to a life that is full and is, once again, enough for him. I go home to emptiness, to nothing, to no one. I will count the weeks, then the months, and then the years since someone last held me close and told me he loved me. I will cry a thousand tears alone because who can I tell? I am nothing, no one. I have no rights. No. No matter how much you love him, you cannot choose him. You have to choose yourself because if you don't, you'll hurt so much more. There is no winning here."
Alas! You have done it, haven’t you? You have fallen in love with a married man.
It feels really forbidden and thrilling, but what comes next?
Are you happy with it? Being the intruder? Being the other woman? If you are happy with it, go for it. But if at one point you feel like you deserve better, just know there is always a chance for you to come out of it. You always get a chance to choose yourself, to love yourself!
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