Is It OK To Let A Baby Cry Before Sleeping?
Is it ok to let a baby cry?
Contrary to popular belief, it is not important for you to scoop up your baby every time you see even a drop of tear fall down from their face. This one is for all the new mamas reading this article; your baby is not really sad every time they cry. Yes, sometimes they have a fair reason behind their tears. But, in most cases, they just cry because they want to.
Babies love throwing a fuss to get attention. They are like little Tinkerbells. They faint if you do not give them enough attention (not literally). So, sometimes, it is better to let them cry.
This is what gave birth to the cry-it-out method. While many mothers are aware of this, some are absolutely blank. For them, we will discuss the cry-it-out method through and through and see if it is something that you should be practicing with your little bug.
Is It Ok To Let A Baby Cry?
As I mentioned before, babies love attention. And they love to throw a fuss when you do not attend them much. So, other than sickness or hunger, your baby is probably just crying for fun. While it was easy to fool the millennial parents, the Gen-Zs are way smarter. So, they came up with the cry-it-out method. The concept of it is to let the baby cry for as long as it wants. Eventually, they get tired and fall asleep.
If you notice it properly, most of the time, babies cry during their time of sleeping. Or they just randomly wake up from sleep and start crying. If they do, let them. They will exhaust themselves and fall asleep. This is a very common practice among adults, too. I feel sleepy every time I cry. And I am pretty sure a lot of us feel the same. So, as per the rules, you do not really have to spend hours tending to your crying baby. Mothers need an equal amount of rest, too. The kind of stress their body goes through during the entire pregnancy and labor takes a toll on their health. So, it is important that they get enough sleep to begin with.
But now that I have mentioned the cry-it-out method, a lot of you might want to know a bit more about this method. Because it is still very new, a lot of new parents might not be as familiar with it. But, before that, it is important that you understand the tears of your baby. Not every cry is a cry seeking attention. Some of it has actual reasons behind it.
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Understanding The Tears Of Your Baby
It is very difficult to understand the cries of a newborn baby. With time, you may be able to figure things out, but it is the initial days that scare parents the most. For instance, newborn babies have a tendency to cry for food right after they wake up. It immediately turns into an angry cry if they have to wait for a bit. Also, a painful cry may sound like shrieking or panic.
Noticing these patterns may help you respond to these cries with what the baby is asking for.
A baby’s cry may mean the following:
I am hungry: This is one of the most common reasons why you would see a baby cry. Crying is a late sign that the baby wants food. The early signs are putting their hands in their mouth and smacking their lips.
I want something to suck on: Sucking is a comfort action for babies. If your baby is not hungry, just give them a pacifier.
Hold me: If you see your baby crying suddenly, just hold them to your chest. Some gentle pats on the back can help calm the crying baby.
Once you know the reasons behind your baby’s tears, it becomes easy for you to figure out when to tend to them and when to let them cry it out. This is what brings us to the most interesting part of the article – the cry-it-out method. While I have given you a vague idea about what it exactly is, let us now get to the nuts-and-bolts part of it.
What Is The Cry-It-Out Method?
Basically, the cry-it-out method is an umbrella term that is used to define an array of methods to teach babies to fall asleep while they are crying. Using this process exhausts the baby, and they eventually fall asleep.
People are more familiar with the Ferber method, for instance, where parents set particular time increments to check if their baby is crying. But, there are more sleep training options that have many degrees of CIO.
Weissbluth’s Method
In this option, Marc Weissbluth explains that babies may still have the tendency to wake up twice at night when they are eight years old. However, he mentions that parents need to start a predictable bedtime routine. Babies should cry for ten to twenty minutes to fall asleep. The age goes up to five to six weeks of age.
Then, when the baby turns four months old, Weissbluth suggests doing what is known as “full extinction.” This is where you allow the baby to cry until it stops or falls asleep without having any interaction with the parent.
Murkoff’s Method
Heidi Murkoff describes that by the age of four months, babies do not need the monthly feed anymore. This also means that they can sleep completely through the night. And night walking when they turn five months is just a habit.
Sleep training – scheduled awakening, graduated extinction, reinforcement of sleep rhythms – starts after four months of age. At the age of six months, the “cold turkey” CIO is the process that is followed the most.
Bucknam And Ezzo’s Method
Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, in their book “On Becoming Babywise,” mention that allowing your baby to soothe themselves from crying will actually be something very helpful in the long run. Bucknam and Ezzo that small babies between the ages of seven and nine weeks are fully capable of sleeping for eight hours straight at night. By the age of 12 weeks, this time goes upto 11 hours.
In the cry-it-out method, the parents need to allow their kids to cry for 15-20 minutes before their sleep hours. It is also necessary to note that this process prescribes a very specific rhythm of daytime sleep, too.
Hogg And Blau’s Method
“Baby whisperers” Melinda Blau and Tracy Hogg suggest that by the time babies weigh around 10 pounds, they are absolutely ready to sleep throughout the night. With that being said, they suggest cluster feeds in the evening and doing a dream feed, too.
With regard to crying it out, the authors add that babies tend to cry three “crescendos” before they finally sleep. Parents usually give in during the second round. In this process, parents are allowed to respond but suggested to leave right after the baby has settled.
Ferber’s Method
This is probably the best-known cry-it-out method. Here, Richard Ferber uses the graduated extinction model, beginning with the baby being just six months old. In this process, parents need to put their baby to bed when they are a bit drowsy but still awake.
Then, you need to let the baby cry for five minutes before you first respond to them. After that, you can extend the time of each of your responses by five-minute increments.
Giordano And Abidin’s Method
Lisa Abidin and Suzy Giordano believe that a baby is perfectly capable of sleeping for 12 hours at one stretch without even a nightly feed by 12 weeks of age. Once the baby reaches the age of 8 weeks, this process allows them to cry at night for three to five minutes before the parents respond. Instead of nightly feeds, the authors suggest that the parents need to feed their babies in three-hour gaps during the day.
When Is The Best Time To Begin And Stop The CIO Method?
Doctors suggest that it is not feasible to start with any sleep training in general, including the CIO method, until the baby reaches 12 weeks old and weighs 12 pounds.
Some parents think that sleep training must come way earlier and wonder how long do they need to let their baby cry. The answer to this one is never. That is because, during the initial 12 to 16 weeks of their life, a baby’s circadian rhythm matures. They adjust to their life outside of their mother’s womb. They also learn the difference between night and day. This implies that they have very disorganized sleep, and any type of sleep training will fail on them. That is why newborn babies should not be thrown into the fact of the cry-it-out method.
As per the suggestions of sleep consultants, babies tend to be ready at the age of 16 weeks. If you start with your sleep training at that age, it is likely that you are going to succeed.
However, you can always begin with some healthy sleep practices. They may include:
- Having a consistent bedtime routine
- Using your baby’s sleep hints to know when they are tired and all set to sleep.
- Putting your baby in bed when they are drowsy but still awake.
Is Your Baby Ready For The Cry-It-Out Method Of Sleep Training?
Every baby is different. So, the sleep training methods are going to be different too. Therefore, practically, there is no fixed time for your baby’s sleep training. It all depends on the needs of your baby. However, there are a few signs and signals that you may want to look out for to know that your baby is all set for sleep training.
- Being fussy, crying, or becoming too tired in the evenings
- Fighting their bedtime and difficulty to sleep at night
- Frequently waking up at night and needing some help to fall back to sleep again
- Waking up way too early in the morning
- Inconsistency in sleeping or taking too many short naps throughout the day
Remember, the goal of your sleep training is for the baby to fall asleep on their own. Once you succeed in doing this, they will not be protesting their bedtime anymore. They will not even wake up in the middle of the night. They will just roll over and fall back to sleep again.
All mothers tend to choose the best approach for their baby. But there are cases where the approach does not sit right with the little one. In that case, you always have the chance to try out an alternative approach that will be the right fit for your baby.
Implementing The Cry-It-Out Method
While it may sound very easy, there are some steps that you need to follow to rightly follow through with the cry-it-out method.
Here are the steps that can guide you through the following process:
Prepare The Baby For Their Sleep
You need to ensure that you have settled everything that the baby needs. These may include bathing, feeding, using fresh diapers, wearing comfortable clothes, having a quiet environment, etc.
Bid Them Good Night
Hug and kiss your small one to bid them goodnight and end the bedtime routine. If they start fussing right away, use some soothing words and light touches to calm them down. But try not to pick them up.
Leave The Room And Close The Door Behind You
This is the step where you may see that your baby starts to protest and cry right after you leave the room. This is normal. You do not need to rush back to their room. You can watch them through the baby monitor. Cries mean they are asking you to fulfill their needs, which you already have. So, there is no need for you to step back in that room,
What If It Is Extreme Crying?
The babies may cry in a way that you have never heard of. But, as long as you see that they are absolutely safe in their room, stay out of the room. This is the only way to make the CIO method work.
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The Bottom Line
Parents often question if it is ok to let a baby cry before sleep. Babies can be fussy. They are masters of throwing tantrums before sleeping and asking for attention. But, as parents, it is better to let them be if you are starting with sleep training.
Growing babies need to learn how to sleep on their own. Some parents tend to feel guilty about bad parenting. But you need to understand that your baby is not crying because of something serious. They just do not want to quit on their old habits and will do anything to have you around while sleeping. So, as a new mother, you do not have to feel guilty in any way and understand that sleep training is one of the healthiest things you can do with your little one.
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